Our Light World

For John

Think of yourself as a lightbulb, a vessel, a generator of light. You’re round, fragile and require electricity. The amount of light you have depends on wattage, voltage and frequency. In human speak, we’re talking about presence and your capacity to illuminate reality. The human light bulb is a clever device indeed!

We generate light by tapping into electricity. Electricity comes from specific human activities. We can choose light generating activities with a basic understanding of our inner and outer workings. In brief, each of us is made of three equal parts that are interdependent and unique. There is Mind, related to thoughts and reasoning. There is Body, related to health and biology. And there is Spirit, related to intuition and creativity. Each activity you choose channels energy to one or more of these three; and the quality and regularity of your activities determine the power of your light frequency.

All human beings have the capacity to produce light and to illuminate abundantly. The good news is that when we engage in light generating activities, we’re not feeling like we’re working hard or waiting to experience joy at some moment in the future. Rather, light energy activity feels good and nourishing in the moment. In fact, that’s how you know if you’re tapping into light energy because is makes you feel happy and healthy. Think about the act of making love and the potential joy over time for development. Both are equally exultant.

Each one of us hand picks and chooses which activities are light generating. They are uniquely ours and personally fitting. The more we recognize and appreciate who we are in our totality—the more we choose activities that are light producing. In human speak, we are talking about choosing experiences that produce joy and healthy feelings which increase our lightness of being.

For example, some of my personal light energy activities include: reading, philosophizing and language learning which satisfy my Mind. Running, yoga and sex make my body feel strong and refreshed. Writing, painting and teaching enlarge my Spirit. As you see, some of my light energy activities embody more than one category which can make the experience intense and overpowering.

For this reason, in the smorgasbord of life, we practice how to metabolize, distribute and balance our energy. Each step of the process including balancing should be experienced as natural and healthy which is why we have a sense of humor. Think learning how to ride a bike or ballroom dancing. Ballroom dancing, which involves another person’s energy can be tricky. Why? Because all human beings like light bulbs are round, fragile and require energy. So, there’s a difference between being alone and being in company. Trust yourself and honor what you need first to feel joyful, healthy and at peace. Your clever design will alert you to imbalances in light and frequency. The greater the risk, the greater the learning—the more light you will need. Choose aloneness and people wisely.

Abundant light energy is subtle and breathtaking. It is clarity. It is mystical familiarity and peace. Experiencing the luminosity of another person has such a warm and loving feeling! These interactions are profoundly life changing.

If you ever doubt your capacity and light frequency— recall that warmth that you gave and received. Recall that profound mystical feeling. Remember it with awe and just keep going.

Godspeed.

Posture or Posturing?

This morning I walked to a quiet and lovely section of Madrid. There I contemplated big topics like purpose and identity while trying to address the practical concern of where I’d like to live. When you’re navigating a huge life change such as the loss of a spouse, critical illness, retirement or children leaving—your whole world deviates and both profound and practical questions arise: What is my purpose being alive? Who am I? What should I do with my time? Do I want to live in this house or move to an apartment?

While ruminating and checking out a few buildings, I found myself noticing the architecture, the confident posture of the people and the elegance. It was a tranquil, tree-lined neighborhood and the streets were so much cleaner than where I’m currently living. The attention to aesthetics comforted me and I felt curious. As time passed, I began to wonder about the value of location and how one postures oneself differently in different settings. Who am I sauntering down this swank block? The Isley Brother’s song came to mind: Who’s That Lady? Then, I thought about all the choices I’ve had to make while navigating sudden change and how does one really know the right place for someone like me, or the me I’m becoming?

Of course, none of these questions were answered as I meandered home hungry.

Later in the afternoon, I meditated. I lit a stick of incense and sat in the brightest area of my apartment. About ten minutes in, my left foot fell asleep. The tingling, numbing sensation distracted me. I wiggled my toes to get the circulation going but it didn’t help. Then, because my thoughts kept going back to the foot, I considered adjusting my posture. I sat up straighter and paid attention to my position on the pillow. I thought it might improve the flow of blood to my foot so I can stop being distracted from my nirvana. I saw the inside of my body, observed each bone and muscle where the blood and oxygen needed to flow. I told myself that if any conduit were blocked, I’d continue to feel this pain in my foot. My back got super straight and I kept breathing.

Within seconds, I smelled the incense again. I felt a tiny nodule open up, a release in my foot. Ooh, that sweet, blood flow. My foot was breathing again. I heard the lyrics Who’s That Lady? come into my head and I let them go but a smile lingered on my lips.

When the meditation was done, I thought about each step of my day and the finality of awareness. Posture matters. And when you think you’re posturing, that’s okay too because you’re testing things out and trying on things for size.

Also, there are tiny signs put in place all over to get you to pay attention to your posture, as needed. I wasn’t aware I was slouching until the pain in my foot pushed me to adjust. All that stuff I had read about in books about energy and blockages and the body is true. It’s like there are all these little fairies around you, poking you, saying, hey, keep your back straight, get into alignment, find your dignity, purpose, identity. Hmm.

La Petite Mort

When I was giving birth to my son, I remember feeling that in my pain I understood famine, war and death. It was as if my mind-spirit left me and traveled to all of history. I experienced human suffering. I shared this feeling afterwards but in the telling it was impossible to communicate what I had experienced. How does one explain the feeling of famine and war while giving birth to a baby?

Pain is boundless agony and insight associated with Great Death and Birth. When I refer to Great Death, I refer to the type of death that reverberates, a passing that stops time and changes history. All death and birth is transformational. It is the dissolution and creation of new life. In the moment of labor and birthing we cannot know the greatness that may lie within and therefore, we simply labor and bear fruit and this process is our connection to the infinite.

Our response to a Great Death and Birth blossoms into a new approach to living. This is the gateway to consciousness. All human beings experience a Great Death and Birth while living and often, more than once.

When I was in the hospital, I was tense and exhausted. I was forced to surrender to a painful experience. I had not understood until that moment how much pain and suffering love would bring me. Yet, like my ancestors before me, I was to become part of the great wave of evolution.

The Great Death of my husband was similarly haunting except more complicated and fragile. The struggle to grasp the meaning of love with loss is overwhelming. There is ravage on the body and soul, time extends beyond limits, and what evolves out of grief is harder to see.

When a hero speaks of a Great Death, a death to be remembered, they speak of a death that transforms life.

When an artist speaks of immortality, he creates to alter reality.

When a lover speaks of La Petit Mort, he refers to falling into an altered state of consciousness.

I have experienced Great Death and Birth and feel like a moving river now. Or, perhaps the river is moving me. My ears are still under water and the sound is muffled but the sun is shining over me. My thoughts are paralyzed, it’s the constant bobbing. My arms and legs are adrift.

This is Bardō.