Category: community

Managing Love and Sex While Isolated

by Raquel Rios, posted in chakras, community, Compassion, conscientious engagement, consciousness, corona virus, energy, healing, hope, love, madrid, mindfulness, spain, Uncategorized

In this post, I talk about love and sexual energy with a single woman in quarantine living in Madrid, one of the friendliest cities in the world now raging with the Corona virus.

Screen Shot 2020-03-28 at 12.11.20 PMSexual energy is an essential life force concentrated in two energy centers in our body, the Root Chakra and the Sacral Chakra. The root chakra is located in the base of the spine and it relates to our feelings about survival, security and stability. The sacral chakra located in our lower belly, relates to pleasure, emotions, intimacy and trust. Love and sex are influenced by a biological impulse to procreate plus our emotional need for intimacy. For this reason, managing love and sexual energy can be challenging when we are fearful and isolated.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how people are managing love relationships and sexual energy during the Corona virus crisis. If you’re married or in a live-in relationship, being forced to spend time together can be an opportunity or agony, depending on the nature of the relationship. If you’re single and living alone, coping with built up sexual energy and love relationships can be daunting. I wonder if it’s possible to transmute sexual energy into a higher chakra, for a deeper kind of love, a compassion for others or to enhance creativity or spirituality?

Ongoing obstruction or imbalance rooted in the sacral chakra can lead to problems such as addiction, perversion, depression or destructive behavior. For this reason, exploring our feelings about love and sex is vital to our overall well-being and sustainability.

This week, I interviewed a single woman living alone in Madrid to explore this topic.

What is the hardest thing about dealing with the Corona virus crisis while being single and female living in Madrid?

The hardest thing about dealing with the Corona virus while being single and female is that in Spain we are confined completely, everything is controlled. All social relationships have been drastically reduced, we are not able to go out at all, meet people in bars, be on the street even.

How did you socialize and meet men before the quarantine?

I’m very outgoing so it’s always been quite easy for me to get to know new people. I’ve met people while having a cup of coffee or while shopping. I’ve met people in unexpected places. I love dancing so that’s one way I meet people— at dance clubs. I’ve always felt confident about my physical appearance and being able to attract men but now in isolation, I find myself reflecting on my life and being single. I’ve also been thinking about my spiritual self more, rather than sex. I’m asking myself hard questions about what matters most to me in a man and I wonder is it possible to have it all? I mean, is it really possible to have sexual attraction and also be compatible spiritually and emotionally? I’m thinking I want the whole package.

Do you have a romantic interest currently? How are you managing this relationship?

I have a romantic interest and it’s not been easy because it’s just wishful thinking at the moment. There is nothing established between the two of us, we have had only a platonic relationship. We know each other through work and now in isolation, we keep in communication which helps me feel alive. Even before the crisis, I thought about him all the time. I don’t think I’m managing this isolation very well. I get anxious. I want to hug this man or just have a cup of coffee with him. I want to be with him face to face so we can look at each other and get lost in that moment. This is my heart’s desire. We have joked about sneaking out to be together. I believe we love each other although it’s not been declared. The more I get to know him, I think he has all the perfect ingredients. I feel passion and spiritual connection and now in isolation, I spend a lot of time imagining myself being intimate with him. These thoughts keep me hopeful for the future.

How has your style of communication changed?

I’d say I’m more intense. Some old loves, men I’ve had affairs with in the past, have suddenly reached out to me during the crisis and I find this interesting. I think we are being drawn to people to figure out what matters. I find I am more dependent on WhatsApp than before, and desperately waiting for this man who I am in love to respond. That can feel frantic.

How are you coping with your sexual energy?

At the moment, my sexual energy is off. Even though it’s spring, I don’t feel sexual desire, which is strange. I find myself channeling my sexual desire into thinking about real love, sincere and genuine love.  Like I said, I’ve been thinking about this one man. In my soul I feel he knows how I feel and I think he feels the same. For now, this feeling is strong enough and sufficient because we’re stuck in quarantine. I believe that in time, when this is over, there will be a sexual explosion in my life. As a single woman, living alone, there is no expectation for a physical relationship now, although when an old flame wrote to me, I felt the temptation to see him. I even agreed to meet with him at the supermarket, but then realized that it was too risky. He showed up at the entrance of my building and I looked out my balcony and saw him. Although it was flattering, I felt like I was disloyal to the man I am in love with.

What lessons are you learning during this crisis?

I want to make sure I live a life worth living. I want to be respectful of everything…respectful of people and the atmosphere. More importantly, now I know who really cares about me and who I want to keep in my life. I want to value these relationships and live in the present moment. I want to live even more intensely than before! When it comes to love and sex, I’m learning that it’s okay to cross barriers that may seem insurmountable for love.

 

Diversifying Our Portfolio: Building Resilience and Equity

by Raquel Rios, posted in agency, community, conscientious engagement, diversity, Education, equity, healing, mindfulness, School, social emotional learning, space, student engagement, teaching, Uncategorized

Wise financial advisors tell us to diversify our portfolio. It offers us long term benefits, reduces risk and increases the potential to perform in a changing market.  A fixed mind set with any bias for one type of investment over another can be our downfall. Everybody wants to prevent loss and increase their equity. After all, we invest in things that safeguard our future.

The same advice holds true when it comes to education. Except, in education we often work in silos. This makes it harder to diversify our portfolio. We get stuck investing in the same old approach. Sometimes we make decisions based on bias or we refuse opportunities to broaden our reach. The notion of building resilience and equity is interesting, but we want to know how resilience and equity influence our potential to perform. How does diversifying our approach lower personal risk and help us obtain long term benefits?

We also cling to the feeling of being an expert. Academics zoom in close and can conduct important investigations but when we have to collaborate with others outside our discipline, we get rude and impatient. Our nomenclature and our language just don’t translate. Schools are organized by subject and asking the algebra teacher to teach reading and writing or the art teacher to sub chemistry can lead to anarchy.

For these reasons, when I talk about combining mindfulness and social justice in education in order to diversify our approach and increase potential, I get resistance. I am learning how hard it is to communicate why going hybrid can be a wise investment.

We all want schools that are safe, inclusive, intellectually stimulating, creative and well-resourced. But how are we going to do this unless we work together and consider the problems holistically? We need to address the overwhelming stress and anxiety attached to schooling. We need to be intentional about personal and social awareness, teach compassion and  intercultural competence. We also need to understand the inequitable distribution of resources and learn how to advocate. Most importantly, we need to understand how social-emotional well-being leads to academic achievement. Safe, inclusive, intellectually stimulating learning environments build trust, foster engagement, promote critical thinking, improve skills in problem solving, encourage invention and curiosity.

That said, diversifying our portfolio or investing in a hybrid model can feel both exhilarating and scary. How will this move improve my situation? How will this approach benefit the climate? These are important questions to ask. Another  important question is: Will I enjoy the process?

Infusing our teaching with mindfulness techniques and social justice pedagogy is fun and life changing. When you decide to go rogue and start driving over those dreadful lines, you will begin to see the world (and the road ahead of you) with new eyes. For example, many mindfulness folks talk about Yoga and meditation. However, for some individuals like athletes, rock stars, gamers, and so on– the idea of sitting still for too long in silence or doing yoga in a studio sounds ridiculous. What happens when we start to talk about the role of movement and stillness in our lives? When we talk about discipline and the shape of our body, when we talk about stretching and breathing before a challenging exercise? We begin to expand our reach into diversified territory. Just this week, I learned about Bomba meditation! Bomba is a traditional dance and music style that originates out of Puerto Rico. Those who practice seriously describe it to be a way to reach a meditative state.

How are we moving into that sacred space where we go egoless and free? Are we sitting legs crossed or are we chanting, dancing or drumming?

Muggles, Witches, Wizards and Yoda

by Raquel Rios, posted in activism, agency, community, consciousness, energy, equity, learning, mindfulness, School, social emotional learning, spirit, Uncategorized

“Learning organizations of the future will be centers where Master Teachers and students study consciousness and practice manifesting ideas into reality.”

~Ríos, Mindful Practice for Social Justice

What would have happened to Harry Potter if he had not attended Hogwarts School of Witches and Wizardry? Hogwarts is the highly selective school based on a magical quill that detects the birth of magical children keeping their names in a large parchment book. There is no admission test because according to J.K. Rowling, “Everyone who shows magical ability before their eleventh birthday will automatically gain a place at Hogwarts; there is no question of not being ‘magical enough’; you are either magical or you are not.”

Harry Potter discovers he is a wizard while living in a very small room under the stairs, in the ordinary, non-magical world of Muggles. It takes a pack of owls, a flurry of acceptance letters and magic to free Harry from his uncle’s grip, who wants to keep Harry from his destiny. Harry’s uncle is terrified of what the child’s powers might bring.

Did J.K. Rowling tap into our greatest desire and our greatest fear with the Harry Potter series? Are we either magical or are we not? What is it about this select group of powerful children who get to study at a magnificent school in a castle that creates widespread delight and fascination all over the world?

According to Dewey, all children are born with powers. He writes:

The only true education comes through the stimulation of a child’s powers. The child’s own instincts and powers furnish the material and give the starting point for all education. 

But, what are these powers exactly? Dewey refers to a child’s natural tendencies and talents and also, to a highly specialized power of plasticity and adjustment, which is the ability to grow and develop, learn from experience, modify actions based on experience and develop habits and dispositions. In other words, the capacity to become something different under external influences. Capacity, according to Dewey, is an ability, a force positively present, that when looked at from a social standpoint, involves a fundamental interdependence.

Yoda_Empire_Strikes_BackYoda, the legendary Jedi Master in the Star War series is known for his deep connection to a force positively present. The teachings of Master Yoda are based on learning how to tap into the force by channeling energy and a training of the mind. What starts out as a seemingly simple mindfulness meditation practice, becomes the capacity to move material objects— in other words, the ability to alter the material world through the power of our mind. Watch this:

Why is taking a break from reality and thinking about Muggles, Witches, Wizards and Yoda important? This week, we have witnessed the unraveling of a scandal amongst the rich and famous for admittance into several top-rate universities. At the same time, in New York City, we are witnessing a full blown battle involving Mayor de Blasio over entrance into eight specialized high schools, centered around the notion of equity. Both cases raise important questions about fairness, merit and the purpose of education.

Perhaps we have got it all wrong. Perhaps we are wasting our energy trying to fix a system that is broken. Visionary Buckminster Fuller said, “You never change things by fighting an existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the old model obsolete.”

It is important to take notice of where we focus our attention. Are we channeling our energy to create the schools of the future that serve a higher purpose? Are we taking the  time to look beyond old mental models that have created the current situation? What I see are new schools that are designed to tap into each child’s innate power and potential. They will be open and accessible, magical and fun. They will be led by Master Teachers who will lead us through change and adaptability. There in this vision, I experience a positive force present, and a deep regard for our interdependence.

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Democracy and Education: an introduction to the philosophy of education John Dewey, New York, The Macmillan company, 1916.

My Pedagogic Creed, John Dewey, Journal of the National Education Association, 1929